Rabid

Horror Release Roundup March 2019

March is here and spring is in the air. Valentine’s Day is behind us and St. Patrick’s day is doing its jig on the horizon. Maybe instead of going back to your yearly re-watch of Jennifer Aniston in Leprechaun, you could take a look at some of these newer movies heading your way? March has some serious talent.

The Horror Release Roundup is our recurring feature breaking down the screams and scares that are heading your way every month. This time around we have everything (or at least our attempt at everything) coming at you in March of 2019. Enjoy the trailers and our respective thoughts below.

Interested in reading up on previous months? Try checking out our archive.

Prefer hearing words over looking at words? Try checking out our podcast.


CLIMAX
03/01/2019 - THEATRICAL

 
 

French dancers gather in a remote, empty school building to rehearse on a wintry night. The all-night celebration morphs into a hallucinatory nightmare when they learn their sangria is laced with LSD.

Jack:  Now I’ve never done LSD, but I don’t believe that its whole thing is making people violent and deranged where they otherwise wouldn’t be. Also, with a crew that big, you figure at least of few of ‘em would end up on the kind of trip where they just can’t leave their corner or whatever. I also have many questions about how to regulate LSD dosage when you’ve just dissolved it in a large bowl that people are pulling from wily nilly. I guess what I’m saying is that this movie looks more style than substance. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Jake: So dancers at a dance thing do LSD… I don’t get what’s different about that than any normal night at any club, anywhere. I’m guessing this will take “dance battle” quite literally, but I’m still struggling to grasp how LSD is an inciting incident for dancers. They gotta be used to this shit.

Mark: This looks to be more than just Suspiria with drugs instead of witches, which is what my initial impressions were. I don’t want to pigeon hole this movie just because it uses dance, and to the credit of the director, the camera seems to move as much as the dancers themselves which is a nice thematic element. It is a little concerning that most of the movie appears to take place on one set… maybe they just don’t want to give too much away?


THE HOLE IN THE GROUND
03/01/2019 - VOD

 
 

Sarah O'Neill is building a life on the fringes of a backwood rural town with her young son Chris. A terrifying encounter with a mysterious neighbour shatters her fragile security, throwing Sarah into a spiralling nightmare of paranoia and mistrust.

Jack: I would just not be very worried about a person of that stature headbutting the window of my modern-ish car. You ever see those compilation videos of local reporters trying to smash car windows with hammers and just miserably failing? Good shit. Also, the movie looks pretty creepy and like the kind of paranormal shit that really freaks me out.

Jake: Does anyone else think this kid looks like Haley Joel Osment? Also, that “hole” in the ground looks less like a hole and more like that pit in Star Wars that eats people (I don’t know the name. Don't @ me). Regardless, we got a changeling tale here that seems very well shot and atmospheric. Hopefully it’s a good entry that helps the year gain some needed momentum.

Mark: I like the soundtrack mix in that trailer. I also like the idea of discovering a Sarlac pit in the middle of the woods near your house. That’s creepy. What do I not like about this trailer? How half assed that window headbutt was. Right? That being said, if that’s my main complaint then you are doing pretty well for yourself. I can’t wait to see this one.


INTO THE DARK: TREEHOUSE
03/01/2019 - HULU

 
 

Peter Rake, who tries to escape a recent wave of negative tabloid exposure by retreating to his family’s vacation estate in the woods. But the ghosts of Peter’s past are everywhere and debts will be settled.

Jack: See, now I’m in a conundrum. On the one had, I have caught two of these so far (Pooka and Down) and didn’t particularly enjoy either of them. On the other hand, James Roday directed this, and I love that guy and also love Jimmy Simpson. I’ll probably end up watching this and hopefully this will be the installment that turns the series around.

Jake: Think this was made at least in part because of the role the treehouse played in Hereditary? McPoyle gon’ get it.

Mark: So, for the record James Roday directed this and he has generated enough good will for himself from Psyche that I will absolutely be watching this. Beyond that, this actually looks good and has a very low barrier to entry. It’s got that mix of fantasy monster haunting and childhood trauma that really gets the juices flowing nahmean?


TUFTLAND
03/01/2019 - VOD

 
 

A headstrong textile student tries to overcome her problems by accepting a summer job offer from an isolated and offbeat village of Kyrsyä.

Jack: Well this certainly looks . . . odd. I can’t quite figure out if that one shot of her addressing the camera directly means this is going to be a fourth-wall-breaking bonanza or if it’s just an interesting or symbolic shot. This kind of has the vibe of being a little too weird to be outright terrifying, but will make you feel weird and disturbed throughout.

Jake: Finland with another hat into the ring and this one looks, incesty? I wonder when the warning signs for this girl actually go off and how the alarms manage to be too late (I assume) because there is not one inhabitant of this village at any moment of this trailer that looks acceptable enough to make me spend a second in their township. Hard pass on them as people. Hard maybe on this flick.

Mark: Prime example of the people Jake is talking about? Skip to 1:03. Look at that beard. It’s majestic in its absurdity. I assume this movie will be a solid entry into the stranded-with-a-cult type of movies like Wicker Man or Apostle, but the trailer did not inspire much gusto in me to go and aggressively seek this out in any regard.


STRAY
03/01/2019 - VOD

 
 

An orphaned teenager forms an unlikely friendship with a detective. Together they investigate her mother's murder, and uncover the supernatural force that proves to be a threat to her family.

Jack: You never guarantee the victim’s family you’re going to find the killer. Haven’t you seen any Law & Order SVU? That’s your mistake right there. And this just proves why that’s the case, what if she was just some random non-supernatural detective and this victim was killed by whatever CG ghost did the deed here? No chance of solving that one. You lucked out with those powers.

Jake: This seems like it might be horrorish rather than horror-proper, but whatevs. There’s some super duper dicey CG in this one and it looks like there’s a lot of it. As for the story, it kind of seems vaguely like a superhero plot line and as I type this I’m sure there are some nerds out there who are livid and calling for my head and fuck you nerd.

Mark: I’m a big superhero movie apologist. I like all of them almost without exception. Superpeople are just fun imagination capsules that present you with new and fun ways to escape your world. That little extra superhero twist on the “ally with a detective to solve a murder” trope might just be enough to pull me into this one.


30 MILES FROM NOWHERE
03/05/2019 - VOD

 
 

When five college pals return to rural Wisconsin for their estranged friend's funeral, what begins as an uneasy reunion becomes a terrifying fight for survival.

Jack: My grandparents used to live in Chanute Kansas, and when we would drive hundreds of miles down to see them, my dad would bemoan the fact that they live “a hundred miles from any place you’d rather be.” What I’m getting at it is that 30 miles doesn’t make something seem all that secluded. And if nowhere is the part that’s supposed to make me feel alone, then this makes it seem like I’m thirty miles closer to safety from that. What’s that? I should talk about the movie rather than just its title? Ehh, looks kind of generic.

Jake: Man I wonder what these people did to their friend because I gotta say, based on how pissed he is in the afterlife, I’m not sure they should have been invited to the funeral. Real low blow type stuff.

Mark: I disagree with Jake on this one. If I die anytime soon, I will absolutely spend my free time in the afterlife fucking with him and Jack. Blood coming out of the faucets? Yup, that’s gonna happen. Flickering lightbulbs? You betcha. He must’ve really loved these friends, because he could be hanging out with Elvis and instead decides to spend his time dragging them around the forest.


AMONG THE SHADOWS
03/05/2019 - VOD

 
 

A private investigator must unravel the murder of her uncle while keeping the secret that she is a descendant from a line of werewolves.

Jack: Wowsers bowsers. This trailer looks to be about half free stock footage. And the other half starts with an aggressively bad green screened Lindsay Lohan. I know her career took a turn and all, but holy diver. I cannot fathom this movie being even mildly watchable.

Jake: Is this a real movie? It kind of seems like one of those a fan would cobble together to make suckers think someone is in a new flick but it’s really just a bunch of footage recycled from other movies. This seems like it’s real though and Lindsay Lohan seems not good in it so I guess that makes sense. What a journey it was to land on “this movie exists”. Now I’m tired.

Mark: Okay, wait. For reals though. Is this actually a thing? Let me pull the curtain aside, we see a lot of fake trailers while putting this piece together. I feel like we are pretty adept at sniffing them out. This one? I have no clue. If it is actually the true true then I really want to know what percentage of this movie was shot in front of a green screen, because judging by the trailer it’s upwards of 90%. You couldn’t just shoot the dialogue on a set?


RABID
03/05/2019 - VOD

(No Trailer)
Rose is a quiet, demure, unassuming woman. When a terrible accident leaves Rose scarred beyond recognition she seeks out a radical untested stem cell treatment. When the treatment seems too good to be true, she must realize that everything in life comes at a price.

Jack: The description of this makes it seem like a body-horrorish monster flick. I’m way in for that. Mark says it’s a Cronenberg remake, so I’m now deeming my analysis unassailable.

Jake: Mark did the research (I think) so… what he said.

Mark: So there’s no trailer yet for this one, and what I’m getting from our thorough and incredibly probing research is that this is a remake/reimagining of the 1977 Cronenberg flick from two Canadian sisters. I’m betting it’ll be a solid body horror flick, so if that’s your bailiwick then keep an eye out for this one.


DISCARNATE
03/06/2019 - VOD

 
 

A neuroscientist's obsession with a drug that expands the human mind inadvertently unleashes a deadly supernatural force on his team.

Jack: So I’m pretty sure that a big part of hallucinations is your brain believing that they’re real, and I’m not sure I’d believe anyone saying they could identify one. That said, the monster looks pretty cool, and this might be the first movie to play with the scientifically-induced afterlife thing and actually be watchable. Plus it’s got Sofia from the League in it. So it’s probably a watch.

Jake: Moderately cool looking monster in this one aside from 1 or 2 shots where it looks like a walking lump of feces. I’m hoping it comes along with some good scares but will tread lightly. This seems like a Jack movie.

Mark: “I’d know a hallucination if I saw one?” Would you though? Isn’t that like the whole deal with hallucinations is that they’re believable? I have a hard time getting behind a movie that has a line like that in the first few seconds of the trailer, but this actually seems to be pretty decent monster fodder.


THE ORDER
03/07/2019 - NETFLIX

 
 

Out to avenge his mother's death, a college student pledges a secret order and lands in a war between werewolves and practitioners of dark magic.

Jack: Oh, what a fun, clever, and timely use of “fake news.” You’re so up on the zeitgeist, movie. I mean, it’s almost a guaranteed watch just by virtue of being on Netflix which means it will start auto-playing. And I’m really really hoping that the line “What does it do? Anything is possible” is just bad trailer editing and doesn’t actually appear that way in the movie.

Jake: Love Netflix doing more and more horror and even horrorish things. Not sure where exactly this will fall because of the heavy dose of whimsy to that trailer, but there were enough werewolves involved to think it’ll have a chance at being pretty cool. I hope the maulings are aplenty.

Mark: This is the most stereotypical Netflix thing I’ve seen to the point where I would buy that it’s some type of parody. Young adult themed semi-horror set in a high school full of 20 somethings and solid production value with a sonic backdrop of a synthy bass with repeating female vocals and a trailer that drops like a week before the movie comes out. Neato. Am I stuck in the matrix? Can anyone else see that lady in a red dress?


GARDEN PARTY MASSACRE
03/12/2019 - VOD

 
 

A gathering of friends goes awry when an uninvited guest appears. With a pickax. And an attitude.

Jack: So here’s the thing. This is ultra-low budget and it’s cool that the filmmakers actually did the damn thing and made it. That being cool, mind you, does not make me want to see it. Also, I don’t care how low budget your movie is, don’t have the person give up on mustard-ing their wiener after not actually getting any on said wiener. That has nothing to do with your budget. That’s just being careless with your wieners. We here at A to Z Horror cannot abide that.

Jake: In the space of “__ Party Massacre” movies, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this will be near the bottom of the barrel. Definitely no chance at reaching the lofty heights of Slumber Party Massacre or Dude Bro Party Massacre 3.

Mark: One time when I was in high school me and a friend of mine rented a slasher flick from the local Hollywood Video, took it home, popped it in the DVD player, and something along these lines came on. We lasted about 3 minutes before turning it off and finding something to watch on MTV. I tell you that completely pointless story to provide the basis for my opinion that this movie also looks like it will overstay its welcome in about 3 minutes. Shit, I got tired of it during the trailer.


US
03/22/2019 - THEATRICAL

 
 

A family's serenity turns to chaos when a group of doppelgängers begin to terrorize them.

Jack: Yeah. Not much to say here. This looks amazing on every level. This would be the top pick if Jordan Peele wasn’t fresh off one of the best and coolest horror flicks in modern history. But that’s also a thing.

Jake: Wow. Just wow. Top 1 for this month. Top 1 for probably the year. Let’s go see it.

Mark: I have no idea what putting five on it means, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. I’m not going to belabor the point on this one. This movie looks good. It looks sublimely good. It looks existentially terrifying, smart, disturbing, funny, and psychotic break inducing. If this turns out to be a fraction of what I’m hoping for then I will be satisfied.


BOOK OF MONSTERS
03/19/2019 - VOD

 
 

Sophie's 18th birthday party becomes a bloodbath when six terrifying monsters descend upon her house.

Jack: Is waiting for your parents to go out and drinking when they’re gone a big thing when you’re 18 in Great Britain? It is here, but you also can’t just go to a fucking bar when you’re 18 here. Now don’t get it twisted, this looks like a ton of fun and I legitimately chuckled with delight when those garden gnomes popped up at the end, but still.

Jake: That was shockingly so much more interesting than I was expecting. Practical will do that for you. This might be pushing for a dark horse pick, y’all.

Mark: Am I given to believe that she carved that pentacle into the guys chest before she became possessed and summoned Satan’s horde? I know Europeans are known for their sexual proclivities, but that is a bit much for my delicate constitution. This looks like a fun and silly (albeit mindless) romp, and there will always be a place in my heart for gnomes bursting forth from someone’s chest.


WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
03/27/2019 - FX

 
 

A look into the daily (or rather, nightly) lives of four vampires who've lived together for over 100 years in Staten Island.

Jack: This looks absurdly funny. Matt Berry, Mark Proksch, and Taika Waititi? Yes please. All three of those people are known for really bizarre high-concept comedy, but I think were all funniest when they were doing more middle of the road stuff which this looks to be.

Jake: The movie was funny but I thought it started to lose its shine as the film went on so I’m definitely pumping the brakes just a bit on this. This definitely looks like What We Do in the Shadows and when I think about it conceptually, the concept seems like it would fit a show format really well, so there’s definitely hope here, but I’m not going too far.

Mark: While I hear what Jake is saying I have two rebuttal arguments to make: Taika Waititi and Mark Proksch. Boom, QED. This might not be an absolutely stop-what-you’re-doing-to-watch uproarious comedy series, but I will at least bet that it’ll be prime Hulu fodder that you’ll sink into and then realize you’ve watched 7 episodes since breakfast.


THE FIELD GUIDE TO EVIL
03/29/2019 - VOD

 
 

A feature-length anthology film. They are known as myths, lore, and folktales. Created to give logic to mankind’s darkest fears, these stories laid the foundation for what we now know as the horror genre.

Jack: Note to other trailer editors - If you’re going to insist on flashing your festival awards around during your trailer, the least you could do is actually arrange them interestingly and meaningfully like this one does with the upside down cross reveal. That was kind of cool. As for the actual movie, I’m not sure what the connective tissue, if any, of this anthology is. Looks kind of cool regardless, but I’d still like to know.

Jake: Anthologies are always a way more reasonable an endeavor when I’m skeptical about the quality than normal flicks because the time each segment demands is so much more limited and there is always bound to be some quality in at least one segment. I didn’t find a ton that I was interested in from the trailer for this one, specifically, but it’s about folktales and they did the thing where they had directors from different countries for each segment. That’s a cool combo. I’ll probably check this out just to see if there’s something cool to be seen.

Mark: I like that they say that we “probably haven’t seen an anthology like this” to leave the door open for us weirdos who might actually have seen an anthology like this. That phrasing please both my inner horror nerd and my inner stats nerd. This is coming from the people who brought us the ABCs of Death so I’m sure it’ll be interesting, but I just wish that the trailer gave us a little more information on what the anthology was actually trying to accomplish.


TOP 1 / BOTTOM 1

TOP 1

Jack: Us - I’ll leave it to the other two yahoos to say more.

Jake: Us - no shit.

Mark: Us - Yes, shit. For the record (since you didn’t come here to just see us pick Us a bunch) Hole in the Ground is my runner up. I’m actually also very excited for that movie as well.


BOTTOM 1

Jack: Among the Shadows - This looks so astonishingly unwatchable that I will be making a metric fuck-ton of ill advised bets just to try to pin watching this thing on one of the other guys.

Jake: Stray - I probably would have taken the layup like Mark but this looks like a vaguely super-heroey flick with terrible CG throughout. Nah.

Mark: Garden Party Massacre - Yeah so this is a layup and I’m taking it. March is a strong month content-wise and this is the lone movie that looks terrible.