April showers bring May flowers… and what do May flowers bring? Turns out, not a whole lot of movies. The summer doldrums may well be making an early entrance with only a handful of movies this month, but there’s still gold in them thar hills. Help us help you to find the diamonds in the rough. Check out our roundup of horror movie releases coming your way in May of 2018.
TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL
05/01/2018 - VOD
The sequel finds Burt Gummer and his son Travis at a remote research station, where they must go up against Graboids that have been converted into living weapons.
Jack: Welp. It’s a tremors movie. There will be a couple of dumb lines that make you chuckle and a couple cool scenes with Graboids, and just not a whole hell of a lot else.
Jake: There’s an awful lot of Cubs hat in this trailer. It makes me happy. Go Cubs go. Other than that, it’s a Tremors movie. There are Graboids. There are even some Ass Blasters there to blast people in the ass.
Mark: So, I have not followed the tremors franchise more than just the first movie, and even then I haven’t seen it in close to a decade. Tremors can fly now? What the hell is the point of a tremors movie where the monsters can fly? That’s like making a Jaws movie where Jaws can… well… fly. Clearly this movie has a schtick, and I’m guessing that fans of the franchise will continue to enjoy that schtick, but it is not my preferred flavor of bratwurst.
05/04/2018 - Theatrical
A pair of burglars stumble upon a woman being held captive in a home they intended to rob.
Jack: David Tennant is simply not in the business of making things that I don’t enjoy watching. QED, I will enjoy watching this. And while I think Tennant is at his best playing the hero, he’s damn good as an all out creep.
Jake: What an on-the-nose name for a movie. The dude drives a Maserati, of course he’s a dickhead. I hope there’s at least one scene of him driving around putting potatoes in other peoples’ exhaust pipes and lighting bags of dog feces and hurling them through open windows. Now THAT would be a movie. Frankly, I don’t even care about the kidnapping and murder thing. Let’s get some hijinx going. Do these other characters even need to exist?
Mark: As on-the-nose as the title is, I feel like it’s exactly 100% wrong. A samaritan is a charitable person. A “bad samaritan” would thus presumably be someone who did something bad whilst trying to be charitable. Robin Hood, for example, might be considered a bad samaritan since he would rob and loot in order to give to the poor. This guy is really more of a Good Hoodlum, or Goodlum if you will. You know what, I know you’ve already spent your budget on marketing the movie and all, but you’re free to change the name to Goodlum if you want. You can have it for free. It suits your movie better.
THE (MASTER) CLEANSE
05/04/2018 - Limited Theatrical, VOD
Johnny Galecki plays Paul Berger, an unemployed, down and out, heartbroken man searching for happiness. When Paul sees an ad for a spiritual retreat promising to restart your life, he immediately signs up, hoping to cleanse himself and fix his broken life. But after only a few days, he discovers the cleanse is releasing more than just everyday toxins… a lot more.
Jack: Why do I dislike Johnny Galecki so much? The man hasn’t done anything to me, but holy diver does he leave a bad taste in my mouth. That aside, this looks like an eminently watchable movie, if a little on the mainstream side of things. I do like the detail the put into the Nuddy Budders candy bar that he feeds to his colon-monster. There’s an odd sentence for you.
Jake: What happens if you feed that little thing some of the elixir that made you birth it via vomit in the first place? Will it multiply like a Gremlin or will it die? Maybe the whole world will buckle in on itself, tearing a hole in spacetime and causing a big bang type of event. I’m sure that’s what this is actually about. The trailer just showed off the first fifteen minutes and it’ll catch everyone by surprise.
Mark: If you’re just vomiting after you drink this stuff then you aren’t cleansing any of your demons that reside in you GI tract below your stomach. Doesn’t sound particularly effective to me. One of those jars better make you dump a demon or that system seems like pseudoscience. Is this going to be horror? The tagline for the movie talks about demons, but that thing is cute as fuck and I want one now so I don’t really get what vibe this is trying to achieve.
05/04/2018 - NETFLIX
Ellie, a recovering drug addict, has just moved to a new city with her two teenage children. She has struggled to stay sober in the past and is determined to make it work this time, finding a stable job and regularly attending her meetings. Unfortunately, new friends, a new job, and the chance of a new life, can't keep Ellie from slipping once again. Her life changes when she meets Christopher - a different kind of addict - which forces her daughter and son to accept a new version of Ellie.
Jack: I like this as a trailer. Enough info to mildly pique my interest, but not so much info that I can develop any real feelings on the thing. This one will very likely be a watch, if for no other reason than it will start auto-playing when I open Netflix.
Jake: I’m pretty out on vampire flicks these days. Outside of something really unique like Afflicted or 30 Days of Night, this style of movie and the drama it entails is not even remotely exciting to me.
Mark: This movie had a very limited release about two months ago and we opted to punt until it reached a wider audience. Well, now Netflix is getting is so that’s one of the biggest audiences you can find. Good work, team. Through the limited release this movie garnered some pretty good reviews (it currently sits at about 7.4/10 on imdb), but vampire stuff doesn’t really do it for me. Tie that in with the family drama side and I’m very luke warm on this. Seems like it will be good, but again, not my favorite flavor of bratwurst.
GEHENNA: WHERE DEATH LIVES
05/04/2018 - Limited Theatrical, VOD
Five people travel to the remote, pristine Pacific island of Saipan to scout locations for their company’s new luxury resort. They find curious natives, strange dolls, and learn of historic curses, but they finally find an ideal spot. On this spot is a cave – and when they enter, what appears to be a Japanese WWII bunker turns out to be much more, and they learn that curiosity can kill, that everyone has private secrets and inner demons, and that there are some places on Earth where death itself can live.
Jack: Well hot damn. This movie just might be great. If they can keep the whole thing cohesive, then there’s enough going on here to really pull you in from a few different directions. But then again, there might just be too much going on here and they bit off more than they can chew. Let’s hope it’s the former.
Jake: Uncork’d Entertainment, you’ve outdone yourself. This actually looks passable. More than passable, even. AND Doug Jones is involved so I’m on the precipice of throwing this on the watch list. Good work.
Mark: Is their driver Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite? Are they mixing found footage and normal footage? How many times is Uncork’d going to redesign their logo card before they’re satisfied? This trailer brings up so many questions, but like Jake said it actually looks halfway decent so the likelihood of me learning at least two of the answers is much higher than I would have otherwise anticipated. Keep that upward trend going Uncork’d. I actually kind of like you guys now.
05/11/2018 - Theatrical, VOD
In a small island community, a troubled young woman falls for a mysterious outsider who empowers her to escape her oppressive family. When he comes under suspicion for a series of murders, she defends him at all costs.
Jack: I feel like it’s a hard line to toe of showing a bb bounce harmlessly off the guy’s head, but then still being intimidated by the bb gun. Unless he threw a rock or something first? This looks pretty interesting, and I really like the cinematography on display in that trailer.
Jake: So is this supposed to be an adult riff on the Disney story? Do we care? This seems on the very fringe of horror (it’s certainly more of a thriller) so I don’t know what it will bring to the table from a genre perspective, but you saw the trailer. You’ll know if it’s for you or not.
Mark: So turns out there’s a lot of bratwurst this month and I might just not like bratwurst because I’m beginning to be very pessimistic about these movies. Again this looks well shot, well acted, and well written, but these tense emotional slow burns are just hard for me to get excited for. I like the idea of a warped adult fairy tale, but this does not look like one of those.
05/18/18 - NETFLIX
Stranded in rural Australia in the aftermath of a violent pandemic, an infected father desperately searches for a new home for his infant child and a means to protect her from his own changing nature.
Jack: Here’s the first clear must-watch of the month. Well-made. Martin Freeman. Enough said.
Jake: While this seems decidedly more Drama/Thriller than Horror, this has to qualify out of tangential-zombieness, right? This seems like a tough role for Freeman, and I’m interested to see how he carries the film. But of course our loyal readers/listeners will know I never watch zombie-related cinema.
Mark: Big year for Martin Freeman. Be honest, did you suspect that a dingo had eaten the baby? I definitely went straight to dingo. Actually, speaking of, if this movie doesn’t have at least one zombie dingo I’ll be forced to mark it as a loss. That is literally my only concern for this. I will be watching it more or less the day it comes out on Netflix. I am excited. This is my excited face. I realize you can’t see my face (I hope), but you just should trust me that I am making my excited face. It looks like this O‿O.
05/22/2018 - VOD
While exploring the ancient ruins of a church outside London, a young couple is stalked and haunted by the vengeful spirit of Lady Lucy, who was murdered at the vale over a century ago on her wedding day.
Jack: Yikes. Look, I hesitate to shit all over this movie, because it’s pretty clearly newer filmmakers finding their footing. That said, I’m not a perfect person and the acting and effects in this look baaay-ud.
Jake: Boy oh boy… dem ghost effects, y’all.
Mark: Oh shit, this ancient place has a mysterious past and a deadly secret. I have literally never heard of any other movies with that conceit. How have we never thought of this? How have we never made hundreds of movies about this already, all with vastly superior casts, writing, and effects. Well, good for this movie. It will surely shine through as the beacon of fresh uniqueness that Hollywood needs right now.
05/25/2018 - Limited Theatrical, VOD
A wild animal attacks six medical students on a weekend hike in the woods. One by one, they become infected with a "feral disease", turning them into rabid, bloodthirsty creatures, and the vacation becomes a nightmare as they fight to survive each other.
Jack: What are you, amateurs? Everybody knows that if you hike the booze in, you bring cans. Duh. Easier to hike in, and waaaaaayy easier to hike out. Kids today ain’t got no sense.
Jake: Does this qualify as people getting fucked with in the woods? Because I’m having trouble deciding if it fits into that perfect and real subgenre that is definitely taught in film school and that’s why we talk about it so much. I’m going to go with “no”.
Mark: Well, that went zero to sixty. I kinda hope the movie does too. I don’t think this can sustain a narrative long enough to keep me interested, but if people start going crazy like three minutes in that it could be bearable. Also, these people seem lost but then get to the cabin so now I don’t know if this was part of the plan or not.
LAKE PLACID LEGACY
05/28/18 - SYFY
Legacy finds the team of young explorers out to reveal the secrets of an area removed from modern day maps and hidden behind electric fences. However, once they reach the center of the lake, they discover an island that harbors an abandoned facility with a horrific legacy.
Jack: This will be a Lake Placid movie. If that’s your thing, you already know that, and if it isn’t, I can’t imagine that this movie will give you a reason to dive in at number 6.
Jake: Good work SYFY! That trailer did a great job of not blowing the creature reveal. Not that there was much left to the imagination, but still. Also, how is this the sixth movie in this series?
Mark: Wait. This is the SIXTH movie in the franchise? I was aware that tremors kept going and just chose not to partake. I have never even heard mention of Lakes Placid 2-5. I bet they’re real good. This looks not great, but if summertime horror is one thing it’s shitty creature features, and with it coming straight to SyFy channel I think the fit is perfect. I am actually kinda okay with this.
IT CAME FROM THE DESERT
05/29/2018 - VOD
It came from the desert is a motocross action film with giant ants. The film is inspired by a cult video game from 80's made by Cinemaware. We’re going to level with you on this one, reader. This movie was released last year, but may now be getting a wider release online. You could technically go watch it right now through various websites of ill repute, but with it’s relatively unique concept we still figured you’d want a heads up.
Jack: Well this just looks so fucking fun. I’m a little worried it might be veering into the “they tried to make a bad movie and they succeeded” trap, but if the movie can maintain the tone of that trailer, I am all the way in.
Jake: Poetry in motion, right here.
Mark: For as mysterious as the release of this movie is, I want it so bad to come out so that I can see it. As I said earlier, summer for me means goofy creature features, and this wholly fits the bill. This bratwurst? This is the bratwurst I’ve been looking for. Also, this definitely just led to me looking up videos of the old hidden missions from Command and Conquer Red Alert Counterstrike. Good times. I miss my youth. That’s a nice note to go out on.
TOP 1 / BOTTOM 1
Jack: It Came from the Desert - In a month without that much to be excited about, this at least looks fun.
Jake: Cargo - and I’m not even that excited for this one. Let’s keep it moving. June?
Mark: Cargo - Not much else to say about it. Not a lot of competition this month, but this also would be in contention any month of the year so it wins by a landslide.
Jack: Dark Vale - I don't have to shit on new filmmakers, but I don't have to be excited to see it either.
Jake: Family Blood - there are PLENTY of movies coming out this month that are going to be worse than this. But I just don’t care about this movie at all. For the record, I really wanted to just throw the month under the bus wholesale in this slot. Terrible slate of releases unless you’re into very corny creature features. This is a good month to play catch-up on things you’ve missed recently.
Mark: Beast - I am just so not in the mood for a taught emotional thriller right now. It will likely be good, but I just don’t think I will ever be in the mood to watch it.