Horror Release Roundup

Horror Release Roundup November 2018

Well everyone, we made it through the massive horror dump that is October, and now find ourselves in the horror hangover that is November. Luckily enough for us, there’s still quite a few horror movies coming our way, and a lot of them look pretty damn good!

The Horror Release Roundup is our recurring feature breaking down the screams and scares that are heading your way every month. This time around we have everything (or at least our attempt at everything) coming at you in November of 2018. Enjoy the trailers and our respective thoughts below.

Interested in reading up on previous months? Try checking out our archive.



SLAUGHTERHOUSE RULEZ
10/31/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

An illustrious British boarding school becomes a bloody battleground when a mysterious sinkhole appears at a nearby fracking site unleashing unspeakable horror.

Jack: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost doing the horror comedy thing has proven itself a good a good idea in the past. That trailer gave me no reason to believe that this will be any different.

Jake: It’s pretty easy to say yes to this one AND the trailer was under 2 minutes when you take out the pre-trailer, trailer-within-the-trailer teaser. Good work, Simon Pegg. I’m sure it was you who made that decision.

Mark: So this is getting a Halloween night release only in the UK and Ireland. What that means for the rest of us is seemingly a big mystery, but hopefully we don’t have to wait too long to get our eyes on it. The Pegg and Frost combo is infinitely charming and we need more of it in our lives.


SUSPIRIA
10/26/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL
11/02/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

A darkness swirls at the center of a world-renowned dance company, one that will engulf the artistic director, an ambitious young dancer, and a grieving psychotherapist.

Jack: Anyone else think it’s weird that Amazon Studios is behind this thing, and yet you still can’t watch the original on Amazon? No? Just Me? Also, that felt like two different trailers jammed together at the 1:10 mark using a film festival award as the transition. But still. You’ve gotta see it.

Jake: Despite the original Suspiria being as hard to find as it is (at least in the states), it is a known and beloved quantity in the genre. Therefore, I feel like it’s basically impossible for this movie to receive anything other than a polarizing reaction. I guess it could be terrible, but it certainly doesn’t look terrible. I’m interested to see it, that’s for sure.

Mark: I was recently able to get my hands on the original Argento classic to watch for the first time in my life, and I can see why it garnered such a status over time. Aside from a few telltale issues typical to the era (notably the audio track quality), the film has aged remarkably well. It’s a shame that it can be damn near impossible to find. Regarding this version: I can’t wait to watch Tilda Swinton in this role, and I am very interested in the creative decisions they made with the plot.  


POSSUM
10/26/2018 - UK
11/02/2018 - VOD

 
 

After returning to his childhood home, a disgraced children's puppeteer is forced to confront his wicked stepfather and the secrets that have tortured his entire life.

Jack: . . . Ummmm, what now? This is one of those trailers that I’m guessing gives you no clue as to the quality of the film, but really makes me want to watch it. I know that “from the producers of” means almost nothing at this point, but I thought that I Am Not a Serial Killer was pretty good, so that’s something.

Jake: And the award for this month’s weirdest trailer (I sincerely hope) goes to this fuckin’ thing. And it looks weird not for the sake of being off the rails on a joyride like some movies, but because it’s a strange story. I can get behind that. I could also get behind this being some type of sequel to Basket Case. Bags are just the caskets of baskets, anyway.

Mark: I want so bad for there to be a ‘what’s in the bag?!?’ line that rivals Brad Pitt’s “what’s in the box?!?” If that is all we get from this film I will be happy, but I am guessing that we will be getting much much more. Also, some nice little arachnid action thrown in to make Jake shit himself, so that’s always welcome.


WELCOME TO MERCY
11/02/2018 - VOD

 
 

When a single mother begins to experience symptoms of the stigmata, she seeks the help of a local priest and nun to help her understand what is seen and unseen.

Jack: It takes a lot to get me excited for an exorcism movie these days, but damned if those really unique shots during the possessions almost do it. The quality is clear here, and I just don’t have that many jokes to make about what looks to be a pretty chilling film.

Jake: I’m not very excited for this movie that is clearly very well made which almost assures it will be one of the best movies of the year. I felt very similar when I watched a trailer for A Dark Song and we all know how that went. Now I think I’ve jinxed it though. Yeah, probably just jinxed it. That’s how all of this works.

Mark: This looks to have a high production value, but I’m not sure the story will be one that is able to capture my attention. Part exorcism, part cult, part period piece… these all seem like ingredients in a salad that I’ve eaten before. Don’t get me wrong, I hope there’s a new special dressing that makes me really like this salad, but it wasn’t apparent in the trailer. I might be getting hungry....


MONSTER PARTY
11/02/2018 - VOD

 
 

Three teenage thieves infiltrate a mansion dinner party secretly hosted by a serial killer cult for the social elite.

Jack: Is the premise of this movie that cat thieves break into a house that happens to be full of rich people going through the 12 steps and also there’s a purge-style security system and everyone’s a murderer? Because, wow. That’s a lot of stuff. And then you throw in Lieutenant Daniels with a hatchet? Too much for this guy.

Jake: Sorry movie but I just don’t care. Maybe it’s because there has been some quality on the list thus far, but I had to watch this trailer three times just to make sure I hadn’t spaced out anything that would be more enticing. I didn’t.

Mark: Ain’t nothin’ but a monster party. If they don’t leverage that hip-hop tie in then I will be very disappointed. This looks like unapologetic and colorful fun, plus it seems like the guy who is antagonist is also a trump voter, so you know it’s gonna have that unnecessarily political special sauce sprinkled over it. Wait, maybe he’s the protagonist? Maybe I just assumed he was an antagonist because he wants to make something great again? What a topsy turvy world we live in, eh?


RAMPANT
11/02/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL

 
 

Lee Chung is a Prince of Joseon, but he has been taken hostage to the Qing Dynasty. He returns after more than 10 years. Soon, Lee Chung faces monsters that run rampant in the night.

Jack: So, it’s obviously pretty hard to say too much about this one, but Korea has previously done a good job with zombie flicks. And I’m not saying we should all jump on board a new stereotype of “Koreans make good zombie movies”, but you never know.

Jake: I’d like to reflect on the synopsis for this one real quick. These seem like totally unrelated things, but I guess it’s the movie’s job to tie them together. You can do it, movie. I’ll never know though because I never, ever watch zombie movies.

Mark: By the time you read this Rampant will already be out in much of the world, but for some reason the theme of November is “movies that premier internationally first.” Oh well, hard to complain with the level of quality so far. Hey speaking of level of quality, why are there not more samurai vs. zombie movies? Am I missing something or is this near-perfect match sorely underrepresented?


OVERLORD
11/09/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

The story of two American soldiers behind enemy lines on D Day.

Jack: Hot damn that’s a well made trailer. We’ve mentioned before how there aren’t enough war horror movies (or “warror”™), but we’ve seen some decent looking ones recently.

Jake: When we reviewed Maximum Overdrive I said something along the lines of “literally any movie would be better with AC/DC”. Welp, here you go.

Mark: Hey remember how everyone thought this movie was going to be a Cloverfield movie? When it was revealed that it was not, I was disappointed, but then I remembered what they did to the Cloverfield Paradox and realized this is waaaaay better off being its own thing. I’m really picking up what this movie is laying down. Granted, I’m a sucker for licensed music, but I’m still pretty sure this trailer would be great on mute.


THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS
11/13/2018 - VOD

 
 

On the night of November 13, 1974, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. took a high-powered rifle and murdered his entire family as they slept. At his trial, DeFeo claimed that "voices" in the house commanded him to kill. This is their story.

Jack: So here’s the thing. Nothing in that trailer looked outright terrible or anything, but holy diver do I not want to see that movie. I’ve also lost track of which Amityville related franchise this belongs in, and it doesn’t seem like it needed to, right? Couldn’t this have just been a generic haunted house? Do they really think they’re getting anything out of the based on true events tag at this point?

Jake: Nope don’t need another one of these. It’s amazing that Amityville has the type of power to churn out something like this every 3 months...

Mark: Aaaaaaaand here it is. Here’s the low-budget overly-reliant-on-CG entirely-derivative movie of the month. I know I shouldn’t make too much fun, because movies are way fucking harder to make than any of us realize, so kudos to these people for getting something across the finish line. But also, I mean shouldn’t we be focusing that creative energy on making a movie that’s just a little more original?


LASSO
11/13/2018 - VOD

 
 

An Active Senior Tour group outing turns deadly when the crazed, bloodthirsty cowboys from a local rodeo attraction start abducting and killing people.

Jack: Holy shit, when is the last time you saw Sean Patrick Flanery in something? That first rodeo clown scare looked genuinely good, and this could go a couple of different directions, from a more comic over the top vibe to a totally serious vibe. I’m glad that trailer didn’t give it away.

Jake: Well I haven’t seen this before that's for god damn sure. I went from being surprised and a little excited that Sean Patrick Flanery is in this movie to immediately not at all surprised and also not at all excited. What a roller coaster, y’all.

Mark: This trailer gave me a dose of nostalgia for the old Nickelodeon show, Hey Dude! At the very least, I will thank it for that. Remember how I was literally just talking about focusing creative energy on things that are more original? Case in point, right here. How many rodeo horror movies are out there? A few probably. How many have I seen? None. You know what? I’m actually rather excited for this one. Rodeo clowns are creepy.


THE CLOVEHITCH KILLER
11/16/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

A picture-perfect family is shattered when the work of a serial killer hits too close to home. Dylan McDermott stars in this chilling portrait of all-American evil.

Jack: Man this movie looks cool. I love Dylan McDermott, and he looks appropriately terrifying in this thing. That said, did he really need to highlight “peep hole” on his murder room plans? It feels like the guy who needs a peep hole will remember it’s there / to build one even if it’s just in normal unhighlighted typeface.

Jake: Mark wrote his bit here before I did and I just have to really harp on the fact that I think it would make waaay more sense for someone who is into serial killing to also be into couponing. Maybe the mom’s the serial killer. Ever think of that? Lotta twists in this one, gotta keep up.

Mark: “How come dad never helps with couponing? Oh, honey, it’s because he’s a sadistic serial killer.” Wow, what a fucking swing that is. I would just like to point out that there is a false dichotomy at play here. No matter what this trailer tries to tell you, it is possible that you can not like couponing, and also not be a serial killer. Contrapositively, you could also be into both. Maybe you like to buy your murder implements using coupons? This movie looks great, and now I will have Will the Circle Be Unbroken stuck in my head for the rest of the night. Splendid.


ASTRAL
11/23/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL, VOD

 
 

A detached university student faces the consequences of astral projection when he uses it to reconnect with his dead mother.

Jack: Oh good, a ouija board and astral projection. Hooray. I can almost guarantee you that I will immediately forget about this movie, even if I end up seeing it, which I actually might, because the trailer didn’t actually look that bad. And if they don’t mention Art Bell’s episodes dedicated to out of body experiences, I’m going to walk out . . . at the end I guess . . . hmmm.

Jake: Oh boy, that don’t fuck with astral projection chestnut. There is an excessively odd looking smoke monster/ghost in this one. I’m not sure if that makes the preposterous CG better or not.

Mark: Man, I was so in on this trailer until the last 10 seconds or so. There’s just something about those black eyes and the demon face that implies to me that there'll be a lackluster conclusion. You know what though? The other 95% of the trailer was good so hopefully the movie also follows that same fraction. I'm fine with a 5% lackluster film.


THE POSSESSION OF HANNAH GRACE
11/30/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

A shocking exorcism spirals out of control, claiming the life of a young woman. Months later, Megan Reed (Shay Mitchell) is working the graveyard shift in the morgue when she takes delivery of a disfigured cadaver.

Jack: I have a real demonology question: they said in there that if you don’t complete an exorcism the evil will find a new vessel. Isn’t that what happens when you complete an exorcism too? Why ever finish an exorcism if the evil is just going to leave the person anyway?

Jake: This movie is very clearly just exorcism meets J-Horror herky-jerky meets Autopsy of Jane Doe meets Last Shift and you know what? The trailer got under my skin somehow. I want to see this. I am completely dumbfounded.

Mark: Why would you consider the cadavers to be coworkers? Also, pretty sure this is just the Autopsy of Jane Doe with a slight twist. Now that’s not to say that I don’t think this is promising, just to point out that this is a good example of a new dressing on an old(ish) salad.


ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE
11/30/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL
12/07/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven - at Christmas - forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival.

Jack: If this really is Shaun of the Dead meets La La Land, then sign this guy right the fuck up. I have a sneaking suspicion that both of those films have a little more going on than this one, but you never know I guess.

Jake: Oooohhhh. Jake and musicals don’t really get along. I’ll let one of these guys take the plunge first and report back. I still haven’t even seen The Lure yet and I have heard basically nothing bad about that one.

Mark: Three words for everyone: Horror. Christmas. Musical. Why would we not want this? Now that being said, why is there such a preponderance of zombies in November? I’m not particularly upset about it, because the time to be upset at zombie saturation is long past, but it does seem like the trend was dying off before we had three new zombie movies this month.


HORRORISH RELEASE ROUNDUP


These movies might not exactly count as “horror,” but we figure we can squeeze them in with an “ish.” That still counts, right?

Prospect - 11/02/2018 - Limited Theatrical - After a power breakdown, two federal agents must fight their way through a secret prison known as Death House.


OTHER STUFF

Death House - 11/06/2018 - VOD - We first talked about this wayyyy back in January of 2018, but after a bunch of delays, it looks like it’s finally getting a wide release this month.


TOP 1 / BOTTOM 1


TOP 1

Jack: Overlord - I had a really hard time not picking the Cloverhitch Killer here, but this is just too well made a trailer. Either way, you’re not going too far wrong.

Jake: The Clovehitch Killer - This looks absolutely rock solid. Can’t go any other direction though I got very close to getting surprised into picking The Possession of Hannah Grace here. My mind is still blown by the fact that I didn’t hate that trailer.

Mark: The Clovehitch Killer - This is not usually my type of movie, but something about that trailer really clicked in my brain. Maybe it was the choral Circle Be Unbroken rendition. Maybe it was that dreamy Dylan McDermott. Maybe it was that it allowed me to use the word contrapositively in a sentence (and I may have even gotten close to using it correctly). I don’t know. All I know is I like it.

BOTTOM 1

Jack: Amityville Murders - No thank you. Unnecessary and unexciting.

Jake: Monster Party - because Mark wrote before me and took the layup. Also because I had to watch it several times because I kept zoning out. Also because I don’t think it looks very good.

Mark: Amityville Murders - I don’t love to choose the layups like this in a month, but there’s a suspiciously high level of quality this month. Amityville is the lone dark spot on an otherwise close to immaculate month.


Horror Release Roundup September 2018

HRR - 09 - Sep.png

You know, a lot of people say that September is just the little brother of October when it comes to horror movie releases. I’ve never actually heard anyone say that, but it seems logical so I assume a bunch of people have said it. That’s how it works, right? Anyway, September is here, and little brother or not, there’s a lot quality contained within it. Not a football fan? Football fan, but still have time to watch horror movies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Well then do we have a list for you...

The Horror Release Roundup is our recurring feature breaking down the screams and scares that are heading your way every month. This time around we have everything (or at least our attempt at everything) coming at you in September of 2018. Enjoy the trailers and our respective thoughts below.

Interested in reading up on previous months? Try checking out our archive.


OUIJA HOUSE
09/04/2018 - VOD

 
 

To help her down-on-her-luck mother, a graduate student brings her friends to a mysterious house where they plan to do research for a book project.

Jack: Loathe as I am to give Mark points for anything, count one for his “single piano key score in a trailer” fantasy things pick. That movie doesn’t look completely terrible, but you know what’s really grinding my gears? All I can think about is the setup to the shot where they’re playing Ouija on the young woman’s stomach. Did the demon possess them to take off her shirt (but not her bra because it’s PG-13 and demons love bras) and write down all of those letters and then sit down and start playing? Did the demon tell them the order of the letters? I’m worried this is just a string of mildly creepy set pieces strung together with “I dunno, demons or whatever.”

Jake: Do you really “play” a ouija board? I’m not sure I’ve heard it referred to as that before (also entirely possible I just don’t pay attention). I don’t feel like you play it. It’s more of a “use” it type situation. Kind of like this movie is using names like Dee Wallace to try to get some traction. Hey, that house is pretty cool looking, though. End stream of consciousness.

Mark: I got in trouble last month for being too cynical and therefore I am actively trying to be less cynical in this month’s commentary. So, my take on this one? Hey, at least it has a pretty good cast. Mischa Barton, Tara Reid, and Dee Wallace? Boom. Nailed it. You looking for bad campy possession horror? Well, look no further. Sidenote: Hypothetical situation, you ask a ouija board if there are any spirits present. It answers “no.” Then what? Isn’t the answer of “yes” assumed if the planchette moves?


TRENCH 11
09/04/2018 - VOD

 
 

A highly contagious biological weapon, created by German forces in WWI, is discovered by Allied troops as they explore an abandoned underground bunker.

Jack: They really should answer that question about how they know it’s abandoned. That aside, this movie looks rad and scary on a few different levels. The worms thing looks fucking terrifying, and the creatures kind of look like the monsters from The Descent. Count me in.

Jake: I fucking love warror movies. Fucking. Love them. Therefore, I’m quite in for this one. The effects look gross and cool and it’s WWI. It’ll be the best horror movie set in the Great War since Deathwatch! If only Andy Serkis was in this, right Mark?

Mark: Vermiphobics beware, you’re in for a scare. This movie shows promise, but I am also a little concerned about the zombie effects in this thing. How do you nail parasitic worms, but then just have dudes in light makeup twitching as your zombie monsters? You’re right, Jake, this is going to be the best movie since Deathwatch. It’s also probably going to be better than Deathwatch, sooooooo best WWI movie ever?


DIANE
09/07/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL
09/17/2018 - VOD

 
 

When a disabled war veteran discovers the dead body of a beautiful singer in his back yard, his fascination with her photographic image soon turns to obsession.

Jack: What kind of permit does he have to keep a revolver in a lockbox? He’s not concealed carrying it, so . . . what? I know in like Illinois and New York the state keeps handgun registries, but that’s not really a permit is it? What state is this in? Before I devolve into firearm policies, I’m kind of getting a They Look Like People vibe from this, and it looks like it will be of about equivalent quality. I really dug that movie, so this seems promising.

Jake: This trailer became more and more indie as it went along. However, I’m very happy to report it is clocking in at well under 90 seconds. I’m not sure this will land the paranoia angle it is going for because there’s a certain amount of subtlety required that this trailer does not show even a little bit. Also, watch the part where the guy jumps the fence. Look at those hops!

Mark: Why do returned vets always work on Home Depot? Has their pro-veteran stance become a trope? At this point, I’m pretty there are only two types of people that work at  Home Depot: veterans and olympic athletes. Anywhoozles, this has low budget indie horror written all over it. It will be creative, but lack the overall polish and watchability that you probably need in order to have an enjoyable experience.


MARA
09/07/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL / VOD

 
 

After a man is seemingly strangled in his bed, criminal psychologist Kate Fuller (Olga Kurylenko) interviews the sole witness.

Jack: Is being in between asleep and awake really a distinct state of being? Are they sure it’s not a spectrum like sexuality or Jeremy Piven fandom? All she needs to do is go find one of the Freddy survivors and shake them down for some Hypnocil. Problem solved. I’m tired of sleep paralysis movies.

Jake: oh my god another sleep paralysis movie… in this one’s defense, I think it looks like it could easily be the best of the recent crop of this highly specific category, but I’m a little exhausted at this point.

Mark: Do you think Mara and Freddy Krueger know each other? Why does the trailer enumerate the third state of being, but then she specifically can’t fall asleep? If Mara exists in the “somewhere in between” category, then wouldn’t sleep provide a safe haven? This will be a jumpscare heavy sleep paralysis reliant trope-fest. Will it work? Yeah, maybe kinda. Will it be memorable? No, probably not.


THE NUN
09/07/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

When a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania takes her own life, a priest with a haunted past and a novitiate on the threshold of her final vows are sent by the Vatican to investigate.

Jack: Not too much to say here. This is going to be a well-produced and watchable movie with good jumpscares, but you’re kidding yourself if you think it will have the charm and watchability of the Conjuring or even the Conjuring 2. It’s going to be pretty good, and many of us are going to see it.

Jake: Nothing happened at the end, you lazy ass ad agency clowns. That being said, we all know this will be the popcorn guzzling prelude to October this year, and it’s hard to expect anything less than a watchable and fun flick. The production value is certainly there. Also, just want to comment that the final jumpscare is basically from the “how to” book on executing a subversion of your expectation. It’s both good because you don’t see it enough, but also makes you think about what things would be like if everyone follows a simple concept like this. Would that make the shitty kind cooler? #deepthoughts

Mark: I stayed to the end of the trailer…. Nothing. What? You wanted me to see the release date? Of all the movies this month, you think I somehow missed the release date on this one? Also, if I am putting on a full length trailer to watch on youtube do you not expect me to stay until the end? Who does that? They’re monsters.


PAINLESS
09/07/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL (UNCONFIRMED)

 
 

Henry Long desperately seeks a cure for the condition that leaves him unable to feel physical pain. But when he meets the beautiful and mysterious Shani, he gets much more than he bargained for…

Jack: Are we to believe that someone took away his ability to feel pain and he doesn’t just have CIP or something? He doesn’t need to be able to create pain, right? We can definitely do that. He needs his nerve endings to become sensitive to it. There’s like . . . a whole field of medical science devoted to that already, and it seems like he should collaborate with some of them.

Jake: This movie should get weird and gory. If that happens then I’ll be back on board. It seems like it’s gonna be a blasé thriller though...

Mark: Henry later went on to become the villain from the third Pierce Brosnan James Bond Movie. That is basically the only piece of commentary I have for this. Oh wait, here’s one, I am definitely going to have some qualms with the “scientific” element of this movie. Boom. Roasted.


DON’T LEAVE HOME
09/14/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL

 
 

After recently unveiling her new sculptural exhibit on Irish urban legends, artist Melanie Thomas is contacted by Father Alistair Burke, a reclusive Irish priest who, legend has it, once painted the portrait of a young girl who later disappeared on the very day her image vanished from the painting.

Jack: “I’ll take ‘most generic horror movie titles imaginable for $600, Alex.” I can’t say that this looks bad, but nothing is exciting me about it either. I will say that if, during what should be a casual conversation, and old woman says that she won’t shackle you if you want to leave, fucking run because her brain instantly jumped to a very strange place.

Jake: I can say nothing that would do any better or more humorous justice to this than the pull quote in the trailer from Indiewire, so I’m just gonna throw it in here. “Get Out with Catholic guilt in the Irish countryside.” Amazing. Just outstanding. Bravo.

Mark: Pro tip - If you are invited into a remote home on the countryside and asked not to tell anyone about your visit, you should probably tell a lot of people about your visit and also not go. Just a hunch.


LIZZIE
09/14/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL

 
 

In the late 1890s in Fall River, Massachusetts, Lizzie Borden is acquitted of murdering her overbearing father and step-mother with a hatchet, but she is publicly condemned.

Jack: I’m pretty stoked for this movie. The Lizzie Borden story is fascinating, and this looks like they at least put the effort into it, and got a good cast who seem to be giving good performances.

Jake: Fun fact. I had to drive through Fall River on the way to and from work for almost three fucking years and I can say with some confidence that no one who has ever lived there has ever been as easy to understand as any of the characters in this film.

Mark: At first I was a little surprised we haven't seen more of the Lizzie Borden story on screen. I mean, if the Villisca Axe Murders have their own movie, then why not this? Then I did a quick googling and found out that there are actually a bevvy of movies with basically the exact same name as this one. Although this looks to be really more of a drama with a bloody ending than a true slasher, that is actually probably a smart choice for the story and will hopefully set it apart from the rest of the riff raff.


MANDY
09/14/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL

 
 

Pacific Northwest. 1983 AD. Outsiders Red Miller and Mandy Bloom lead a loving and peaceful existence. When their pine-scented haven is savagely destroyed by a cult led by the sadistic Jeremiah Sand, Red is catapulted into a phantasmagoric journey filled with bloody vengeance and laced with fire.

Jack: No. Not doing it. I’m going to catch some flack for this, but I’m fucking tired of people slapping Nic Cage in a “wacky” movie and letting idiots revel over how “random” he is. Also, “visionary director”? Really? Maybe, but don’t be bragging about it until someone has heard of him.

Jake: Nic Cage in a Spectrevision joint that involves gigantic battle axes and at least one animation sequence. This is gonna be fuckin weeeeird. I’m all in.

Mark: Nicolas Cage’s performance of a lifetime, you say? Sign. Me. Up. This looks amazing and I can’t wait to watch it and then tell the guys that it was amazing and then have them yell at me for being an idiot but them being wrong because this was amazing.


THE PREDATOR
09/14/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

When a boy accidentally triggers the return of the Predator species to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race.

Jack: Predator. Correct. And this one looks more rad than most.

Jake: Yes please, mate. Yes please.

Mark: I am being serious when I say this formula will never get old. A rag-tag group of soldiers fighting alien assassins is something that I will never tire of. Every predator movie has been great (including Alien vs Predator) and I am definitely going to see this. Keegan Michael Key? Ummmm, yup.


THE BASEMENT
09/15/2018 - LIMITED THEATRICAL / VOD

 
 

Craig is abducted and wakes up in a basement. His captor, Bill, is a twisted serial killer who wishes to reenact his own capture, with Craig playing the part of Bill and Bill playing everyone else.

Jack: Not gorey enough to be interesting for gore, not novel enough to be interesting for being creative, and not creepy enough to be interesting for being scary. Who is this for?

Jake: Well nothing about that got me aroused. Wait. It wasn’t supposed to? Fuck you.

Mark: That synopsis sounds awesome. For some reason it reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Sideshow Bob is stalking Bart on a houseboat. Dissociative Identity Disorder is so hot right now


CYNTHIA
09/18/2018 - VOD

 
 

Robin and Michael are college sweethearts who have everything – a perfect marriage, adorable cat, a beautiful home, but one thing is missing from this idyllic setting – a baby. After years of fertility treatments their dreams come true when Robin finds out she is pregnant!! Is this a dream come true or a nightmare come to life?

Jack: Okay, I admit. They got me with this one. I was so ready to hate this, and then they made some god damned decisions. The movie looks bonkers, and I’m pretty stoked on it.

Jake: Sid Haig is in this movie. It also has a mutated, murderous fetus monster. Sounds like a horror movie...

Mark: Quick note - this received a limited theatrical release at the end of August. Additional quick note - this might be getting pushed back to October. It’s hard to tell, so we’re leaving it in September. You’ll just be extra aware of it if it gets pushed back. Don’t say we never do you any favors.  You know what’s great about this trailer? They don’t show the monster. Last quick note - What the hell is with all these girls names titles?


THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS
09/21/2018 - THEATRICAL

 
 

Ten-year-old Lewis goes to live with his uncle in a creaky old house that contains a mysterious ticktock noise. When Lewis accidentally awakens the dead, the town's sleepy facade magically springs to life with a secret world of witches and warlocks.

Jack: That is a well put-together trailer. Jack Black is consistently delightful, if occationally a little extra (I’m young and cool and used that correctly, right?). It’s going to depend on some quality writing to pull this out of just kids-movie territory, but if it pulls it off I am in.

Jake: Great Scott, this movie looks whimsical. With a cast like this and a guy like Roth at the helm, I am more than a little excited to see how it turns out. This could be a great gateway into this year’s Halloween season.

Mark: Yes, this is a movie geared toward younger audiences, but if you read that plot description and note that the director is Eli Roth then I think you’ll see that it belongs on this list. Youth-oriented horror movies are actually sort of interesting. I watched the Goosbumps movie recently (also starring Mr. Black) and found it to be charming if a little sloppy. I have high hopes for this one   I am left with one final sentiment: The porn version of this movie will be hilarious.


HELLFEST
09/28/2018 - THEATRICAL

A masked serial killer turns a horror themed amusement park into his own personal playground, terrorizing a group of friends while the rest of the patrons believe that it is all part of the show.

Jack: They’re signing a waiver “because the liability is epic.” Think about that. Who’s liability? The amusement park’s? You cannot contract around criminal law, so that’s really not going to be sufficient for this particular park in the business of gutting people. I know that was an attempt to put some detail into it, but I really think it would have been better off without that line at all.

Jake: The extreme haunts genre is getting a little bit crowded these days and at first, I thought we had mistakenly duplicated last month’s Blood Fest trailer, but this looks quite different in the end. There’s a decent to good slasher in here somewhere. Let’s see if it finds itself.

Mark: Although it seems a bit derivative of the Funhouse Massacre, and looks pretty similar to last month’s nearly identically named Blood Fest, it still looks awesome and I want to see it. That all said, after this movie I think we can officially declare this genre full and ask that all future movie scripts use the overflow genre parking lot.


REDCON-1
09/28/2018 - VOD

 
 

A squad of eight Special Forces soldiers are assigned a suicide mission to rescue a scientist from a city ruled by the undead.

Jack: In a world where zombie movies have been slowly regaining my interest by doing new and cool things, this one chose to just play it right down the middle, huh? I kind of hope this is the start of trending the other way, because there’s enough on my plate, I don’t need to be interested in zombie movies anymore.

Jake: Just when I thought we were through a month without a zombie movie...

Mark: This was a befuddling movie to google owing to the fact that it shares its name with a family of protein powders that appear to basically just be steroids with better branding. It was even further a befuddling trailer to watch owing to the fact that that dude is using what appears to be taekwondo and nunchucks to fight zombies. Those are two things that I personally would avoid using in zombie combat.


Top

Jack: The Nun - Nothing this month just jumped off the page at me, and this is at a minimum guaranteed for good production and a few decent jump scares. That’s not a bad floor.

Jake: Trench 11 - read earlier comments about warror movies.

Mark: Mandy - Nic Cage = trump card

Bottom

Jack: Mandy - You’re not being fun and random. You’re being reductive and lazy.

Jake: The Basement - Mark picked first of I would have gone with his. This also looks befuddling and not entertaining, though. We are here to give you variety.

Mark: Cynthia - Baby horror ain’t scary, yo. What’s worse is that it is also not entertaining, yo.


Horror Release Roundup
May 2018

Horror Release Roundup <BR> May 2018

April showers bring May flowers… and what do May flowers bring? Turns out, not a whole lot of movies. But there’s still gold in them thar hills. Help us help you to find the diamonds in the rough…

Horror Release Roundup
April 2018

Horror Release Roundup <BR> April 2018

The Horror Release Roundup is our monthly feature breaking down the screams and scares that are heading your way every month. This time around we have everything (or at least our attempt at everything) coming at you in April of 2018. Enjoy the trailers and our respective thoughts below.

Horror Release Roundup
March 2018

Horror Release Roundup <BR> March 2018

March 2018: Harbinger of Spring or month that is a lying shit hole of a month that is still just winter and stop trying to tell me the seasons are changing. Everyone is still a bad driver, it's still too cold outside, and there aren't even any good sports on. Anyway, you know what is on? Horror movies. Plenty of em. Or... well... at least 20ish new ones. Come check them out.

Horror Release Roundup
February 2018

Horror Release Roundup <BR> February 2018

February is upon us. The month of love (people call it that, right?) brings with it twenty mostly-promising new horror movies. So check out these trailers and our thoughts below to appropriately get your hopes up...

Horror Release Roundup
January 2018

Horror Release Roundup <BR> January 2018

A new year brings another months worth of new movie trailers to watch and discuss. Check out what's heading your way in January 2018.